How to Do Therapy “Right”
How to Do Therapy “Right”
Starting therapy often comes with one quiet fear: what if I do it wrong?
This concern usually shows up as a handful of questions you’re not entirely sure you’re even allowed to ask: “What if I cry?”, “What if I don’t know what to say?”, “Am I allowed to sit there with a blanket like a human burrito?”
Underneath all of this is the same worry: Is there a correct way to do this?
Short answer: no.
Longer answer: still no, but we can make things feel a lot less intimidating.
Debunking Doing Therapy “Right”
Many people enter therapy with a quiet sense that they are supposed to already know how it works. Others never even make it to the first session because the unknown feels a little too uncomfortable. So, here are a few common myths and questions I’d like to clear up:
“Do I have to cry?”
Nope.
You might cry at some point, but it is not required, and it is not a performance metric. Some people cry, while others don’t; both groups are, in fact, fully engaging in therapy. If the thought of tearing up makes you squirm, that’s normal, too. Therapists see it all — silences, heavy emotions, awkward pauses — and they’re trained to handle it without blinking. Even if it feels weird in the moment, know you’re in capable, experienced hands. And for what it’s worth, you’re definitely not the first person to cry in our office.
“What if I don’t know what to say?”
Then you start there. Plain and simple.
“I don’t know what to talk about” is a perfectly acceptable opening line. You don’t need a plan, a breakthrough, or a neatly organized life update to begin therapy. As the conversation unfolds, patterns and meaningful topics usually appear on their own.
“Can I show my therapist a picture of my dog?”
Yes. Please do. Dog, cat, iguana…we want to see it all.
“Can I question my therapist?”
Yes. (psst…and you should)
Therapists are constantly forming ideas about what might be going on, taking your history, symptoms, relationships, and experiences into account. If a hypothesis fits, we see where that path takes us. If it doesn’t, we adjust. Because of this, you are encouraged to ask questions, disagree, or say when something doesn’t land. Therapy works best when you’re part of the process. After all, you know you best.
“Is it okay if I just talk about my week?”
Yes.
Your week is where your life actually happens. The small moments, the reactions you didn’t expect, the things that stuck with you longer than they should have, this is often where the important work begins. Start by telling us about your week; you may be surprised where it leads.
“Do I have to lie down on a couch?”
No. (Thank you, Hollywood, for this one)
Sure, you can lie on the couch if you want, but it’s not required nor expected. So yes, use the blanket folded on the armrest, sit cross-legged, and bring a warm beverage to enjoy. You are allowed to feel like a person in sessions and not like you are being evaluated. The point is for you to feel comfortable and safe.
“What if I don’t want to talk about something?”
You don’t have to.
You can say, “not today,” and your therapist will respect that. Trust builds over time, not on a deadline.
“Does telehealth actually work?”
Yes!
It might feel a little different at first, but virtual sessions are still real therapy. You are still building a relationship and still doing meaningful work, just without the commute. Many people find it easier to open up when they’re in their own space. And yes, your therapist can still pick up on mood shifts, body language, and changes in tone through the screen.
“What if what happened to me wasn’t ‘bad enough’?”
If it is still on your mind, it matters.
People often minimize their own experiences. If you find yourself saying “it wasn’t that bad,” but it still shows up in your thoughts, reactions, or relationships, it is worth talking about. Therapy is not reserved for the worst-case scenarios.
So, What Does Therapy Usually Look Like?
Therapy looks different for everyone and can even vary week to week. Some sessions feel focused and insightful, while some may feel more open or a bit scattered. Sometimes you leave feeling lighter and productive, while others involve revisiting the same topic more than once before anything clicks. Therapy isn’t a checklist. You’re not required to be insightful every session, to share everything right away, or even to make obvious progress each time. You’re allowed to feel unsure, to change your mind mid-sentence, or to ask questions. None of this slows therapy down; it actually helps it progress.
In a nutshell, all of this is therapy.
Still Feeling Hesitant?
If your hesitation sounds like: “I wouldn’t know what to say”, “What if I’m bad at this?”, “What if my problems aren’t big enough?” You don’t need to solve any of that first, but you can bring those exact thoughts into the room and start there. Therapy isn’t about doing it correctly; it’s about having a space where you can be more honest than usual and a little less alone in whatever you’re dealing with.
You don’t need to arrive prepared; you just need to arrive.
If this resonates with you, reach out to Tess or the team at Center for Integrative Change. You do not need to have everything figured out before starting therapy.
Meet Tess!
About The Author
Tess Krimmer, MA, AMFT (AMFT157358), is supervised by Jeremy Mast, MS, MDiv, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT (CA90961), and earned her Master of Arts in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University. Recognizing that healing can often feel overwhelming and uncertain, Tess offers a supportive, judgment-free space where clients are invited to gently explore and make sense of the parts of themselves that may feel confusing, painful, or difficult to face. When appropriate, she integrates EMDR techniques to assist clients in processing difficult memories and easing emotional distress, empowering them to build a stronger sense of self and more fulfilling connections along the way. Off the clock: When not in session, I enjoy trail running, woodwork, and lounging at the beach with my black lab, Theo.
