Why You’re Not “Too Much”: How Trauma Lives in the Nervous System
Why You’re Not “Too Much”: How Trauma Lives in the Nervous System
Trauma Therapy in Ventura County, California and Oregon
If you have ever been told you are too sensitive, too emotional, or simply too much, I want you to pause here for a moment.
What if nothing is wrong with you?
As a trauma therapist serving Ventura County, California and Oregon, I work with people every day who believe their reactions mean they are broken. What I see instead are nervous systems that learned how to survive in environments where safety, consistency, or emotional attunement were missing.
Trauma does not live in your personality.
Trauma lives in the nervous system.
Trauma Is Not Just What Happened, It Is What Your Body Had to Carry
Many people assume trauma must involve extreme or obvious events. While those experiences can absolutely be traumatic, trauma is more accurately defined by how the nervous system experiences and processes threat over time.
Trauma can come from emotional neglect, chronic invalidation, unpredictable caregivers, long term relational stress, or environments where repair never happened. It often develops quietly and repeatedly, not all at once.
When the nervous system does not receive consistent signals of safety, it stays activated even years later.
This is why many clients seeking trauma or somatic therapy in Ventura County or in Oregon describe feeling overwhelmed by small moments, having intense emotional reactions, struggling to calm down after conflict, or feeling deep shame about their emotions. These responses are not flaws. They are adaptations.
How Trauma Lives in the Nervous System
Your nervous system’s primary job is survival, not logic.
When it senses threat, real or perceived, it automatically moves into protective states such as fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. These responses develop early, often before language, and are shaped by what kept you safe or connected at the time.
Many adults seeking EMDR therapy or nervous system based therapy learned these patterns in childhood. Their bodies adapted in intelligent ways to environments where emotions were not welcomed, needs were dismissed, or connection felt uncertain.
The challenge is not that these adaptations exist. The challenge is that the nervous system never learned when it was safe to stop using them.
Why “What’s Wrong With Me?” Is the Wrong Question
One of the most painful effects of trauma is internalized shame.
People often ask why they are so reactive, why they cannot calm down, or why they feel stuck even when they understand their history. Trauma informed therapy shifts the focus away from self blame and toward curiosity.
Instead of asking what is wrong, we ask what happened and how the nervous system learned to respond.
This perspective is central to somatic therapy, EMDR, and other nervous system based approaches used throughout California and Oregon. Healing happens when the body is included in the process, not just the mind.
Why Talk Therapy Alone Is Not Always Enough
Insight is important, but trauma is stored below the level of words.
Many people can clearly explain their experiences and still feel completely overwhelmed in their bodies. This is because the nervous system responds faster than conscious thought.
Effective trauma therapy helps the body learn that the danger has passed. It supports regulation, increases tolerance for emotion, and reduces the intensity of automatic reactions. Over time, the nervous system becomes more flexible and less reactive.
This is why many clients seek EMDR therapy, somatic trauma therapy, or polyvagal informed therapy. These approaches work with the body rather than trying to override it.
What Healing Actually Looks Like
Healing does not mean you never get triggered again or that you become calm all the time. It does not mean suppressing emotion or forcing positivity.
Healing looks like noticing activation sooner, recovering more quickly, and feeling less ashamed when emotions arise. It looks like having more choice and more space where there once was reactivity.
You do not become less emotional. You become more regulated, more grounded, and more compassionate with yourself.
You Were Never Too Much
Many people seeking trauma therapy believe their emotional intensity is the problem. In reality, the issue is often a nervous system that had to manage too much without enough support.
Your reactions make sense in the context of your history. Your body adapted in the best way it knew how. With the right support, it can learn something new.
You were never too much.
You were carrying too much alone.
Trauma and Nervous System Resources
For those wanting to learn more or support their nervous system between sessions, here are evidence based resources I often recommend.
Books include The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, Anchored by Deb Dana, Waking the Tiger by Peter Levine, and Healing Trauma by Peter Levine.
Helpful podcasts include The Trauma Therapist Podcast, Transforming Trauma, and Stuck Not Broken.
Gentle daily supports can include orienting to your surroundings, slow breathing with longer exhales, grounding through movement, and spending time in nature. These practices are especially supportive in places like California and Oregon where natural regulation is accessible.
Trauma Therapy in California and Oregon
If you are looking for trauma therapy in Ventura County, EMDR therapy in California, or somatic therapy in Oregon, you do not have to do this alone.
Trauma informed therapy is not about fixing you. It is about helping your nervous system experience safety, connection, and rest.
You are not too much.
Your body learned how to survive.
Healing is possible.
Meet Alison
About The Author
"Alison Hochman, MS, LMFT, NATC, ASAT Candidate is a licensed marriage and family therapist supervised by Jeremy Mast, MS, MDiv, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT (CA90961). Alison helps people break free from self-destructive behaviors and limiting patterns to live their fullest and most authentic life.
