Re-Writing Yourself
Re-Writing Yourself
One way to look at therapy is changing the story you tell about yourself. You come into therapy with one story and you leave with another. The first story is causing you pain and restricting your freedom. The new story feels like a resolution and sets you free.
Oftentimes clients will begin telling their first story as if they were reading from a script. This could present as a matter-of-factness, a noticeable lack of emotion matching the tale being told. With other clients this comes in the form of a dramatic reading, emotions thrash and whimper, but there is still the quality of this story having been rehearsed many times before. Still, with others, there is barely any story at all and this is the script. They are stuck like a blocked writer, helpless but ready to burst.
The commonality here is the scriptedness, something already written and then performed. These are stories that have been finished, printed and bound, and then brought out on those occasions where they are needed to make meaning of life or help guide decisions. This can create problems because when we are children, writing the first chapters, we do not have the ability to write with complexity, full emotional-connection, and self-compassion. This writing style then gets fixed and continues to be the narrative voice for all subsequent chapters. The meaning a client finds for life and the decisions they make get stuck in this simple, emotionally narrowed, and self-loathing narrative.
A therapist’s job is to set the conditions, so it feels safe and possible for the client to write a new story, and then like a good editor, help them along the way.
This happens slowly. Maybe a new word will be added, “ouch” for example, that allows you to see an experience from a new angle. Then a sentence. Then a paragraph. Sometimes it requires the client to entirely rewrite a character they thought they knew so well. This rewritten character is often the client themselves.
Eventually a client has a new story that feels more three dimensional, emotionally resonant and self-compassionate. Most critically, the client has changed their own writing style in the process. They can continue to author their story with authenticity and wisdom as their life unfolds and new chapters are written.
If this reflection resonates with you and you’re curious about starting your own therapeutic journey, you’re welcome to reach out to the Center for Integrative Change (CIC) or connect directly with Alex to explore support options.
About The Author
Alex is an associate marriage and family therapist (AMFT134332) supervised by Jeremy Mast, MS, MDiv, LMFT, CSAT (CAMFT90961). Alex’s experience includes trauma work, psychodynamic training, crisis intervention, and providing therapy in private practice High School and correctional facility settings. In his free time, Alex enjoys surfing and writing short stories and poems.
