Here's Why You're Attracted to a Particular Genre of Porn
Someone recently asked me on Reddit why they are attracted to a certain genre of porn, or more broadly, why am I attracted to certain porn. It is a very complex question and a very common one, but I did my best to answer it in my off-the-cuff response. I thought I would share my thoughts here as well since it is a question that also comes up in my work with clients. Here is my response. Let me know what you think.
Key Takeaways
Sexual preferences are shaped by your arousal template, a personal combination of fantasies, sensations, body types, and symbolic elements that create sexual excitement.
Your preferred genre of porn often mirrors your internal sexual fantasies, not something random or abnormal; it reflects how your mind organizes desire.
Porn acts as a safe space for fantasy, allowing you to explore sexual energy without the guilt, fear, or potential harm that real-world encounters might trigger.
Guilt and shame heavily influence sexual arousal, and people often become excited by fantasies that relieve them of these emotional burdens.
Specific genres of porn often connect to deeper emotional needs such as feeling cared for, feeling powerful, feeling desired, or avoiding feelings of inadequacy or fear.
The psychological pull of porn comes from unresolved emotional tension, making certain themes especially compelling depending on your personal history and internal conflicts.
Understanding your sexual preferences reduces shame, helping you explore sexuality with more clarity, compassion, and self-awareness.
Thank you for asking this. It is so common to wonder about your porn preferences or why certain sexual fantasies feel more exciting than others. I will try to answer as best I can, though without knowing more about you, I will need to stick to being more general.
Understanding Your Arousal Template
The first part of the answer has to do with what is called the arousal template. The arousal template is a way of talking about all of those things that are sexually exciting to us, including fantasies, body parts, scents, environments, or clothing. Another way of referring to this is how many people have a “type” of sexual partner that they prefer. “She is not my type,” for example, but the arousal template is broader than that and central to understanding sexual preferences.
Arousal templates can include all kinds of things: fetishes, sexualized body parts like breasts or buttocks, or even Japanese anime. You name it. Sexual preferences and fantasies are as varied as the human experience, so you are not alone when you say you are attracted to your particular genre of porn.
Your Genre of Porn = Your Sexual Fantasies
This still does not fully answer the question of why we are attracted to certain porn. The first thing to recognize is that porn is essentially sexual fantasy realized in video form. Porn is powerful because it portrays fantasies that feel nearly real when we watch them. In this way, porn becomes a space where the mind feels free to explore sexual arousal, imagination, and desire.
Next, one psychological theory about sexual arousal and excitement suggests that we often become sexually excited by fantasies that free us from feelings of guilt or shame. Many men feel guilt about the intensity of their sexuality, which conflicts with the desire to avoid hurting the women in their lives.
Porn becomes compelling, sometimes even bordering on compulsive porn use, because it allows a person to be intensely “sexual” in fantasy without causing harm, releasing them from the guilt that might arise in real-life intimacy. In porn, women are often portrayed as enjoying the sex, even in degrading scenarios. If she appeared to be in pain, the guilt would break the fantasy instantly.
The Psychological Pull of Porn
So porn solves a psychological problem. It allows us to experience sexual energy, tension, and emotion that we might otherwise feel guilty or ashamed of. These fantasies often correspond to the unique ways in which people experience shame, need, or fear. This is part of the deeper psychology of porn, the psychological pull of porn, and how porn urges function emotionally.
For example, a man may prefer videos of big-breasted women because big breasts symbolize women with a lot to give emotionally, and he feels guilty for having those needs. Another man may prefer videos of oral sex because he feels guilty about being a passive recipient of sexual attention or feels anxious about exerting his own sexual energy for fear of hurting a partner.
In this way, porn and shame, guilt and sexuality, and individualized fantasies all interact to shape the effects of porn, the porn triggers we experience, and the deeper patterns driving our relationship with sexual content.
About the Author
Jeremy Mast is a licensed marriage and family therapist, a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, and the founder and director of the Center for Integrative Change. He is passionate about helping those struggling with substance use and problematic sexual behaviors and their loved ones find lasting healing. In his spare time, he enjoys reading, rock climbing, health and fitness, and trying out new recipes while cooking at home.