Can Couples Recover After Infidelity?
According to Carol Jeurgensen Sheets who is the bestselling author of HELP.THEM.HEAL. willingness is the key to restoring a relationship broken by betrayal or infidelity.
Willingness, not forgiveness, is what drives the long and difficult task of recovery work for both the betrayer and the betrayed. The willingness to do the work of recovery (both in individual therapy, in couples therapy, and group therapy) requires motivation to fuel change.
Often from my experience working with my couple clients, the motivation comes from their children or their desire for a higher purpose to live a life of integrity.
Do you have a motivation or a purpose to stay and do the hard work of recovery for yourself and for your relationship?
If you do not have the hope of your relationship recovering, begin with individual therapy to help you move through the stages of change.
The first stage of change to work through for someone who is not motivated to change goes through the Precontemplation Stage, where there is no intention to change with one of the partners or where there is no acknowledgement or awareness of the problem or there is defensiveness about the betrayal or ongoing gaslighting).
The second stage of change is the Contemplation Stage where the problem is acknowledged and consideration to change begins but ambivalence gets in the way.
The third stage of change is the Preparation Stage when small steps take place in preparation for change.
The fourth stage of change is the Action Stage where real change is occurring through actively modifying behavior with high effort.
Hopefully this gives you a glimpse of hope that you can recover your relationship through your willingness to do the work and put in the effort. Your path ahead can be expertly supported and guided by a CSAT, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, who are trained through IITAP (International Institute for Trauma & Addiction) and can provide the most compassionate and effective treatment for individuals and couples struggling with addiction and trauma.
Meet KC!
About The Author
KC is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist at the Center for Integrative Change. She trained in EMDR, ACT, DBT, CBT, MI, Solution Focused Therapy, Mindfulness, Narrative Therapy, and is in training in sex therapy and IFS. She loves working with couples, children, teens, individuals and groups who want to experience the life that they envision for themselves. KC feels rewarded and fulfilled when she facilitates change towards hope, healing, peace, and wholeness in her client’s lives. In her down time, KC enjoys spending time with her family (husband, adult children, grandchildren), gardening, swimming, and traveling.
