What Problem Does My Addiction Solve?
What Problem Does My Addiction Solve?
I wanted to distill the most potent thing I’ve come to discover about addiction into one main point. Before I started this work, I didn’t really know what was necessary to heal these patterns. But now, if there’s one thing I think should be more broadly known, it is this: addiction often grows out of unmet attachment needs.
In addition to the clients, I see at Center for Integrative Change, I also work with clients in treatment centers for addiction. Sometimes gambling, porn, substances, and/or food. Through my experience with both locations, I’ve realized how crucial it is to highlight something that’s often overlooked–and that is–how our early bonds with caregivers shape our emotional regulation and coping mechanisms.
For many people, the addiction we see in adulthood is actually substituting for something that began much earlier; a replacement for the security and connection that may have been missing in childhood. When someone turns to a substance or addictive behavior to temporarily fill an emotional void, they’re meeting, in a sense, some of those unmet attachment needs. Science shows us that addictive substances activate the brain’s reward system in ways similar to the feelings we get from attachment and connection. It creates a kind of pseudo-bond.
If you’re familiar with attachment theory, you know that insecure attachment often comes with struggles around intimacy, because there wasn't a healthy connection in childhood. Addictive behaviors can step in to fill that gap. There’s a way in which being held in our addiction can feel like the physical or emotional connection we didn’t get. Ultimately, addiction often ends up filling the emptiness with temporary comfort.
The real work in therapy often starts with the question: What problem is my addiction solving?
The answer is often, “I tried to fill the emptiness with temporary comfort, and without this coping strategy, I didn’t know how else to be with that emptiness.” This is where strong attachments in the therapeutic alliance become invaluable. Addiction therapy, supportive groups, and mindfulness practices are all ways for someone struggling to begin being with that emptiness in a structured, supportive way.
This is why Dr. Gabor Maté, along with other trauma-informed care professionals, emphasizes compassionate, deeper approaches to addiction. We can’t just distract or replace the behavior—we have to acknowledge the importance of what the addiction is serving. If you’re ready to explore the attachment wounds beneath the addiction and start building a healthier connection with yourself and the connection you crave, it may be time to begin this work—with someone who understands the complexities of addiction.
Meet Helena
About The Author
Helena Habes, MS, AMFT, an associate marriage and family therapist (AMFT15024), is supervised by Jeremy Mast, MS, MDiv, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT (CA90961). With a strong background in addiction treatment, Helena brings a compassionate, trauma-informed approach to therapy, creating a safe and supportive space for individuals and couples to heal and grow. Helena empowers clients to make lasting changes, strengthen their relationships, and create healthier patterns of communication and intimacy.
