Making a life altering decision? Here's What Might Be Happening Beneath the Surface
Making a life altering decision? Here's What Might Be Happening Beneath the Surface
There’s a particular discomfort that comes with indecision. It’s not quite fear, not quite confusion — but a murky mix of both. When we’re stuck trying to make a decision, especially one that feels like it holds real weight, it can feel like time is moving around us while we stand still. But being stuck isn’t always a sign that we don’t know what we want. Sometimes, it’s a sign that we haven’t quite come home to ourselves yet.
Decision-making is not just about choosing between two paths. It’s about tuning in to the part of ourselves that knows why we’re even walking in the first place. And when we’re disconnected from that part — when we haven’t tended to the inner voice that guides us — clarity can feel just out of reach.
Here are a few gentle invitations for reflection if you’re finding yourself stuck:
Choices are often not black and white
Indecision is usually more about fear of regret than lack of direction. We might be trying to predict and control future outcomes to avoid discomfort — disappointment, failure, or letting others down. But no decision can fully protect us from being human. Maybe instead of trying to find the “right” choice, we ask: *Which path feels more aligned with the person I’m becoming?*
Am I confusing stillness with stagnation?
Sometimes, we’re not stuck — we’re pausing. And that pause is sacred. There’s a difference between avoidance and integration. When we rush through decision-making just to escape discomfort, we often bypass the deeper work: the understanding of why this decision matters to us. Allow yourself to be in the quiet. Let the answer rise naturally, instead of being forced.
Trusting myself to handle the unknown.
We can’t always know how things will unfold, but we *can* choose how we’ll meet whatever comes next. Trusting ourselves means knowing that we will listen, adjust, and care for ourselves no matter the outcome. Decision-making becomes lighter when we remember that we don’t lose ourselves in the process — we bring ourselves with us.
What would I choose if fear weren’t present?
Imagine, just for a moment, that fear wasn’t sitting at the table with you. What rises in its place? Sometimes the fear doesn’t go away, but asking this question helps separate the voice of intuition from the voice of anxiety. One wants to protect you; the other wants to free you.
**Where is my peace right now?**
Decisions made from a place of inner alignment tend to be more sustainable. If you're unsure what the "right" step is, focus first on reconnecting with the things, people, or places that bring you peace. When you're in a state of regulation and presence, clarity often follows.
Being stuck isn’t a flaw. It’s an invitation. Not to force your way forward, but to slow down and listen inward. Just like in relationships — where we learn about ourselves through reflection and connection — our moments of indecision can also be mirrors. They show us what we value, what we fear, and what we might still need to heal.
Trust that even in your uncertainty, you have an inherent wisdom; a part of you that knows your truth.
About The Author
Jenean Cervantes has a master's in clinical psychology from Antioch University and is an associate marriage and family therapist (AMFT138534) supervised by Jeremy Mast, MS, MDiv, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT (CA90961). She helps heterosexual, queer and polyamorous couples on restoring intimacy, trust and guiding long-lasting changes to the relationship. Jenean also works with men with issues of intimacy, partner communication, emotional regulation, infidelity and childhood trauma. Jenean is currently receiving training in Terry Real's Relational Life Therapy. Jenean also has received training in mindfulness techniques, attachment-based and psychodynamic modalities. She interacts with her clients from a trauma-informed, client-centered perspective.
