What is the Gottman Method?
What is the Gottman Method?
The Gottman method is an approach to couples’ therapy that arose from John Gottman’s longitudinal research on relationships as well as from Julie Schwartz Gottman’s couples’ therapy work, and their relationship with each other.
This method builds on other couple’s interventions such as Emotionally Focused Therapy and Bowen Therapy and is a behavioral couple therapy, focused on changing interaction patterns.
The Gottman research reveals that most couple conflicts (69%) are perpetual, has no resolution and is based on lasting differences in personalities and needs. Gottman therapy emphasizes helping couples to manage conflicts that gridlock the perpetual issues rather than solving the perpetual issues through listening to the partner and understanding the partner’s perceptions and thereby understanding their partner’s experiences, emotions, and reactions.
From the Gottman research, data shows the “right” skills that build lasting happy relationships such as gentle approach toward conflict by softening the way to bring up an issue, the couple can accept influence from one another. Additional skills of having 5-to-1 ratio of positive-to-negative regard for each other during conflict (regardless of the volatility), consistently communicating acceptance of one another, maintain emotional self-regulation, and consistently communicate acceptance of one another preempts negativity in the couple interaction and they can easily repair and de-escalate the interaction when it begins to turn negative.
The Gottman Method is an effective couples therapy focusing on the emotions of the couple, the dysfunctional negative interaction patterns, replacing the Four Horsemen (Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt, Stonewalling) with their antidotes (Gentle startup, taking responsibility, describing own needs, doing physiological self-soothing) in order to make conflict discussions more functional, constructive, and regulated while promoting emotional repair, building safety, trust, bonding, love, intimacy, friendship, and positive affect.
If you’d like to experience this skill building for managing conflict, enhancing friendship and shared meaning in your relationship, I invite you to schedule a free 15 minutes consultation with me.
Meet KC!
About The Author
KC is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist and Associate Professional Clinical Counselor at the Center for Integrative Change. She works with couples, children, teens, individuals, and groups, helping clients move toward the lives they envision for themselves.
KC holds a master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Western Seminary. Her additional training includes EMDR through EMDR Professional Training, sex addiction therapy through the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (ASAT #2025-4736), and Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy (KAP) Theory and Methodology.
KC practices under associate registrations AMFT156928 and APCC20046, supervised by Jeremy Mast, MS, MDiv, LMFT, CSAT-S, CPTT-S (California LMFT90961).
